He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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