i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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