He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
