When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
