pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Randomize
