apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
