I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
