So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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