You really coming over, don't trick.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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