He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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