apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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