she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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