I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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