The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
