first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
