People in love make me want to vomit
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
