I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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