It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
