Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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