Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
