When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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