Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
