we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
