I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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