need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
