My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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