This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
