Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
