just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
