OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
