Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
