you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
