I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
