3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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