I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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