I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You can't just leave with hair like that
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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