someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
