Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
