i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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