No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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