"it" just moved
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Randomize
