just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
