Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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