I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
