Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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