i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
