If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
