my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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