would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
