Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
