Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
