I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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