Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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