So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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