worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
