I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
