There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
