i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
